Unplugged

April 14th, 2018 / 07:38 AM
It is not easy to keep an eye on someone. It is expensive and gets even more expensive as the time passes. We all have our reasons to keep an eye on someone some nasty and some very genuine. A mother keeps an eye on her children and we know why she does so but why would a clingy girl keep an eye on someone, especially when we know that she is clingy. One day many years ago I was searching for a website to start writing something at. I came across a service which at that time did allow posting using SMS. That service was Twitter. Over the years I had a love-hate relationship with it. But eventually thought gradually I stopped using it some years back. I had my reasons which were more than one. Luckily a few of them are married now. But marriage is no guarantee to not keep an eye on someone which as I just told is very expensive. With itself marriage brings a stock of responsibilities which everybody is not equally capable to carry. This is a tiny explanation about why some of the reasons are still the same on the inside even their outer appearances have become uglier and motherly.
 Some years ago I made a new Twitter ID which was anonymous. My primary intent was to interact with new people, because at times I needed new people to talk to and the only new people that I was talking to in those days were my patients. The hospital environment is not like a party but a social space like Twitter is to some extent at least. It is a swimming pool of shit and piss but full of random people who are talking either about some major event happening that appears as hashtag or pure total random talk. Even if you don’t want to join them, you can be an observer and see how a conversation folds out. If you are a silent stalker or sleeper, you can first observe the interaction and then judge the intentions of the people interacting. I thought that if I had a new ID, that would keep a masked and the anonymity would help me vent of my energy. Even today I don't think what I did was religiously, morally, culturally or socially wrong. You can be anyone online. I once became a Muslim Vampire. It was short lived. But not wrong. At least it could not be as wrong as keeping an eye on someone especially after the person you are keeping an eye on is no longer relevant to you. Maybe some people have no good in life left. Somehow three women found out that it was me behind that ID. It is true that I always felt genes of a sniffer(read bitch)  inside them but I thought that they were in lesser amount. Boy I was wrong. 

It was not my first attempt at making an anonymous ID and use that as a mask of anonymity behind which I intended to interact with people. More recently, in 2017 to be exact, I made one more attempt at a new Twitter life. That made my total number of attempt reach 5 out of which three times I was wearing the alter-ego of a girl. Every time I was behind an avatar of a girl, it logically ruled me out of the possibility that I existed on Twitter for some nefarious purpose including the possibility of making a new Twitter ID to exploit someone of the opposite gender. In heels and mascare, I followed boys. I stayed kind to a few of them. I became harsh to a few of them. A positive aspect of it was the growing number of screenshots that I took and kept saved even to this date. All these screenshots were no less than inspiration for dialogues and for stories that I wrote at a later time. The dilemma was that I was not a girl on the inside which is why soon those accounts became stagnant. 

 I felt very bored.

One day, one of the clingy ladies found out about one of those IDs and I had to take down the three of them together. In those days I used to draw pictures after coming to my apartment from hospital. That is why I took the mask of an illustrator in made my second last anonymous ID. But even that adventure was also short lived. 

I know that she knows that I know that she is aware of my anonymous account.
I know that she knows that I know that she knows why I don't use that ID anymore.


I confess that I started liking that illustrator’s identity because the main fuel for it were those pictures that I used to draw on paper and as digital drawing. An interesting thing happened then. An account of a girl followed me who allegedly lived in Rawalpindi. I never asked her what she did but she used to interact liking almost every tweet that I posted. And one day we had an interaction beyond just liking the tweets. It was like any other harmless interaction that happens on Twitter. Harmless and Halal for any curious mind. The interactions never grew beyond a certain point. Then one day she asked me to draw a picture of hers like my other drawings. Even then, she had no idea that who the actual person was behind the account that I used. This is what I used to believe. I was wrong because later on the count of that girl ceased to exist. And even before I had started drawing any picture bearing her resemblance, I came to the realisation that the account I was to draw a picture of never belong to a real person. The same strong feeling exists even today. That ID which interacted with my anonymous ID of illustrator was one of the sleeper probes the clingy women had developed. I am not sure that either it was one of the women or all of them operating that ID. My tweets kept coming after this event but something was changed. The digital existence seemed liked an emotionless space I was floating through. 

The last and the final attempt that I made of living as a an unknown being occurred in the February of 2018. So far nobody has either claimed of discovering me nor any ripples are created from my tweets. Such ripples eventually reach me and make me realize of the leaks that exist. What can Aamir possibly talk about? Poetry, books, medicine, painting, movies, graphic novels, nostalgia, Punjabi music and flirting. He would never talk about Chinese food, artificial jewellery, cruel in-laws and political Gods. These are a few things that the sleepers use to make wild but good guesses. They cannot guess more now. A win for them is a loss too. 

Today marks the day when I have closed all the accounts that I have operated in other names and alter egos. Each one of them except for my original account have been shut down. I made two IDs some years ago to write my memoirs which would be grey and irrelevant for many. They are not taken down because they are still stagnant as I am a lazy soul. I intend to start posting over them sooner. But the stalking sleepers knew about them too. Again, I have no proof just a very rational hunch. The memoirs channels and my original @AamirBilal are like deserted towns. They exist but the air is silent there. I still visit my town from time to time and I see a few familiar faces who have changed somewhat. Time has shown its colors on them. But on the inside they are still the same.

Some sadist.
Some hopeless.
And some are still emitting only negative energy, because that is the only energy they have.

Another confession. It fills me with extreme happiness that one of the IDs that I had been using since 2010 has crossed 70000 tweets. I used to write down my very honest feelings there. Like a notebook. I didn’t expect that one day it would grow to this milestone. Now it has become more of a diary. We know that diaries can be lost or stolen and as I had lost diaries in the past, that is why I am extremely careful with this one. I have already downloaded and printed a copy of all the tweets that I have posted on the ID from as early as 2010. I have zero following and zero followers and 70058 tweets as of this writing. 
 A part of me still loves Twitter but that part of me is very afraid of what Twitter has created and also of what Twitter the people have created now. 

There are some decisions in life for which I always applauded myself. And keeping a lock on my oldest Twitter account is one of those decisions. There only I myself keep an eye on myself and it is not expensive either.

 All the leaks are closed.
 

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