May 1st, 2018 01:39 PM

Yes, I am lazy. And at times very. But that doesn’t dampen the ideas or the wishes. There is no sin in dreaming anything and no punishment in wishing even something nefarious UNTIL you done with it. That is one privilege of the faith I was born into. The three hundred milestone of unrefined, crude, unpolished writings to post here lay before me. I still have to watch ANON on Netflix. And then contemplate about keeping a beautiful secretary who can type as I dictate to her. There is no harm in dreaming even when sinister and judgemental humans walk around only to judge and only to stalk.

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April 14th, 2018 / 07:38 AM
It is not easy to keep an eye on someone. It is expensive and gets even more expensive as the time passes. We all have our reasons to keep an eye on someone some nasty and some very genuine. A mother keeps an eye on her children and we know why she does so but why would a clingy girl keep an eye on someone, especially when we know that she is clingy. One day many years ago I was searching for a website to start writing something at. I came across a service which at that time did allow posting using SMS. That service was Twitter. Over the years I had a love-hate relationship with it. But eventually thought gradually I stopped using it some years back. I had my reasons which were more than one. Luckily a few of them are married now. But marriage is no guarantee to not keep an eye on someone which as I just told is very expensive. With itself marriage brings a stock of responsibilities which everybody is not equally capable to carry. This is a tiny explanation about why some of the reasons are still the same on the inside even their outer appearances have become uglier and motherly.
 Some years ago I made a new Twitter ID which was anonymous. My primary intent was to interact with new people, because at times I needed new people to talk to and the only new people that I was talking to in those days were my patients. The hospital environment is not like a party but a social space like Twitter is to some extent at least. It is a swimming pool of shit and piss but full of random people who are talking either about some major event happening that appears as hashtag or pure total random talk. Even if you don’t want to join them, you can be an observer and see how a conversation folds out. If you are a silent stalker or sleeper, you can first observe the interaction and then judge the intentions of the people interacting. I thought that if I had a new ID, that would keep a masked and the anonymity would help me vent of my energy. Even today I don't think what I did was religiously, morally, culturally or socially wrong. You can be anyone online. I once became a Muslim Vampire. It was short lived. But not wrong. At least it could not be as wrong as keeping an eye on someone especially after the person you are keeping an eye on is no longer relevant to you. Maybe some people have no good in life left. Somehow three women found out that it was me behind that ID. It is true that I always felt genes of a sniffer(read bitch)  inside them but I thought that they were in lesser amount. Boy I was wrong. 

It was not my first attempt at making an anonymous ID and use that as a mask of anonymity behind which I intended to interact with people. More recently, in 2017 to be exact, I made one more attempt at a new Twitter life. That made my total number of attempt reach 5 out of which three times I was wearing the alter-ego of a girl. Every time I was behind an avatar of a girl, it logically ruled me out of the possibility that I existed on Twitter for some nefarious purpose including the possibility of making a new Twitter ID to exploit someone of the opposite gender. In heels and mascare, I followed boys. I stayed kind to a few of them. I became harsh to a few of them. A positive aspect of it was the growing number of screenshots that I took and kept saved even to this date. All these screenshots were no less than inspiration for dialogues and for stories that I wrote at a later time. The dilemma was that I was not a girl on the inside which is why soon those accounts became stagnant. 

 I felt very bored.

One day, one of the clingy ladies found out about one of those IDs and I had to take down the three of them together. In those days I used to draw pictures after coming to my apartment from hospital. That is why I took the mask of an illustrator in made my second last anonymous ID. But even that adventure was also short lived. 

I know that she knows that I know that she is aware of my anonymous account.
I know that she knows that I know that she knows why I don't use that ID anymore.

I confess that I started liking that illustrator’s identity because the main fuel for it were those pictures that I used to draw on paper and as digital drawing. An interesting thing happened then. An account of a girl followed me who allegedly lived in Rawalpindi. I never asked her what she did but she used to interact liking almost every tweet that I posted. And one day we had an interaction beyond just liking the tweets. It was like any other harmless interaction that happens on Twitter. Harmless and Halal for any curious mind. The interactions never grew beyond a certain point. Then one day she asked me to draw a picture of hers like my other drawings. Even then, she had no idea that who the actual person was behind the account that I used. This is what I used to believe. I was wrong because later on the count of that girl ceased to exist. And even before I had started drawing any picture bearing her resemblance, I came to the realisation that the account I was to draw a picture of never belong to a real person. The same strong feeling exists even today. That ID which interacted with my anonymous ID of illustrator was one of the sleeper probes the clingy women had developed. I am not sure that either it was one of the women or all of them operating that ID. My tweets kept coming after this event but something was changed. The digital existence seemed liked an emotionless space I was floating through. 

The last and the final attempt that I made of living as a an unknown being occurred in the February of 2018. So far nobody has either claimed of discovering me nor any ripples are created from my tweets. Such ripples eventually reach me and make me realize of the leaks that exist. What can Aamir possibly talk about? Poetry, books, medicine, painting, movies, graphic novels, nostalgia, Punjabi music and flirting. He would never talk about Chinese food, artificial jewellery, cruel in-laws and political Gods. These are a few things that the sleepers use to make wild but good guesses. They cannot guess more now. A win for them is a loss too. 

Today marks the day when I have closed all the accounts that I have operated in other names and alter egos. Each one of them except for my original account have been shut down. I made two IDs some years ago to write my memoirs which would be grey and irrelevant for many. They are not taken down because they are still stagnant as I am a lazy soul. I intend to start posting over them sooner. But the stalking sleepers knew about them too. Again, I have no proof just a very rational hunch. The memoirs channels and my original @AamirBilal are like deserted towns. They exist but the air is silent there. I still visit my town from time to time and I see a few familiar faces who have changed somewhat. Time has shown its colors on them. But on the inside they are still the same.

Some sadist.
Some hopeless.
And some are still emitting only negative energy, because that is the only energy they have.

Another confession. It fills me with extreme happiness that one of the IDs that I had been using since 2010 has crossed 70000 tweets. I used to write down my very honest feelings there. Like a notebook. I didn’t expect that one day it would grow to this milestone. Now it has become more of a diary. We know that diaries can be lost or stolen and as I had lost diaries in the past, that is why I am extremely careful with this one. I have already downloaded and printed a copy of all the tweets that I have posted on the ID from as early as 2010. I have zero following and zero followers and 70058 tweets as of this writing. 
 A part of me still loves Twitter but that part of me is very afraid of what Twitter has created and also of what Twitter the people have created now. 

There are some decisions in life for which I always applauded myself. And keeping a lock on my oldest Twitter account is one of those decisions. There only I myself keep an eye on myself and it is not expensive either.

 All the leaks are closed.


March 26th, 2018 / 07:01 PM

رہے گا عقل کے سینے پہ تا ابد یہ داغ 
کہ زندگی نے بھی پایا نہ زندگی کا سراغ 

عجیب طرح گزارا ہے دور تیرہ شبی 
جلا جلا کے بجھائے ہیں میں نے کتنے چراغ 

ہے جینے والوں کی خاطر یہ کیسی مجبوری 
نہ زندگی کا فراغ اور نہ زندگی سے فراغ 

یہ کچھ ہمارے ہی قلب تپیدہ کو ہے خبر 
فروغ نور سے کیا کیا نہ جل بجھے ہیں چراغ 

ہے روشنی کے لئے روشنی پیام اجل 
سحر قریب ہے اور جھلملا رہے ہیں چراغ 

مجھے بتا کہ ہے اس مے میں کیف مے کتنا 
میں جانتا ہوں کہ خالی نہیں کسی کا ایاغ 

کسی طرح سہی بدلے تو رسم پارینہ 
اگائے جاؤ بیاباں اجاڑتے چلو باغ 

دکھا رہا ہوں میں دنیا کو دل کا آئینہ 
بہ ایں یقیں کہ نہیں ماہتاب بھی بے داغ 

یہ رات محفل آدم پہ ہے گراں حرمتؔ 
بھڑک اٹھے ہیں خود اپنی ہی روشنی سے چراغ 

حرمت الااکرام

Dark Day

March 22nd, 2018 / 11:45 PM / Karachi

This is another dark day. No I am not an Anti-Nationalist. It fills my heart with deep sorrow that another loving face is no more. We always fail to see the beauty we enjoy when all our loved ones are with us but when they are no more we miss the time we spent together. So instead of being thankless, be thankful and enjoy the moments which once gone no wealth and power can bring back. May the soul rest in peace and has a bright hereafter. Amen.



March 17, 2018 / 10:59 PM
Almost all memories that are connected with Lahore are quite explosive. Sadly a few of them are literally an explosion. Yes for every man love at a stage is no less than an explosion. It can be a gossip material to be present only a few hundred yards away from a site of unrest.  but trust me in reality you would never want to be at around place at the wrong time.  I woke up to the sad news of an explosion that took lives of 7 policemen who were stationed at the entrance of a gathering of religious fanatics. This will, for sure hurt some but there are so many rituals which are only keeping the lights on for some high power mullahs and has nothing to do with religion in the first place. I mean seriously if you want to preach something why not preach your religion to a person who is of the opposite belief instead of singing the same sound to a person who might be able to sing a lot better than you. Whether a person is of your belief or not, it does not justify that they be targeted in any way. At least that religion which was taught to me teaches tolerance at all levels. However the religion being preached at most corners now is full of hate and violence the ripple of which reached the place of gathering today. Nobody likes policeman get those who lost lives today for also from the same society and very human and our heart and prayers go out for them. As an observer and as a common citizen, I cannot stop from looking at one obvious fact - why does the wave of trouble rises just before the election. Twice can be coincidence but more than twice he is way more than a mere coincidence. But we have become to blind by our everyday tragedies and our everyday addiction that in less than 24 hours we fail to evolve ourselves as a nation instead of a mass blinded by our own tiny beliefs and led by monsters in beards who dress like clerics. I thought that I was being biased but the feeling faded when I saw the pictures of mullahs in the next morning’s newspaper. They all belonged to different sects but they were standing unanimous and asking the people to vote for them in the upcoming elections. YouTube is an excellent repository for finding videos as a proof of hate speech by many of these mullahs who for sure would never even bother to offer their prayers in the mosque of another sect. Do you think religion is that crazy to divide people? It is the people who are crazy that they let themselves be divided. This divide is the first step which leads to such explosive tragedies. Lahore bleeds again and this makes me sad. 

Shaadi Hall

March 16th, 2018 / 08:55 PM

Years ago I was blessed enough to go for a pilgrimage. No I am not a holy man by any definition. I have my reservations and questions regarding the versions of faith altered over time and reaching newer generations in a way that it only gifts profit to a certain group of people. As I am the only person in my family who prefers science and logic over blindness of faith and still loves stories and fiction on the other side, asking any question or just telling openly that I didn't want to go was like an asking for more trouble than I can handle. So I agreed when they told me that they are going to Makkah. I remember the first day when I reached the city. I was too tired after performing all the religious obligations and wanted to get some rest. Luckily I was able to sneak away making an excuse. I reached the hotel and took a nap which was much needed to restore the energy. I woke up just before the Azaan. I reached the mosque where we had already decided our rendezvous point. By that time all the other members of the party performing pilgrimage were very tired, so after the prayers, they headed back to the hotel. I with Mani and a friend did not go back to the hotel and we decided to roam the streets of the city much like wannabe urban explorers.

I still remember that evening as if it happened yesterday. When I reached a group of people partying and playing celebratory music, for a moment I was taken aback and wondered what was going on. But the suspense unfolded in a few moments when I saw a bride dressed in white with a groom in the same color coming out of the main door of a marriage hall next to which the crowd was making a noise. As a young man who does not realise the harsh realities and responsibilities of life, I was very eager to make a wish that if and when I get married I would also make a celebration right in this religious city, the of epicenter of pilgrimage. I know that my family would not let me play loud music in celebration even when I would be getting imprisoned for life. Some years went by and I was able to go to that street again. This second trip happened in 2015. To my disappointment the marriage hall was destroyed and there stood an open ground instead. Somebody bought the property and intended to construct a hotel there.


These days the pressure on me to get married is enormous. I don't know why every family claims to love their children but is bent upon destroying their children's life by adding the burden of responsibility is on to their shoulders. I know I cannot escape this ritual forever. One day the moment would come when I would no longer be a bachelor. One day I would be imprisoned forever. A few moments ago I was talking to Mani about life and marriage and all of a sudden I recalled that marriage hall where once I saw a bride and a groom and there I wished something I still remember and cannot elaborate with ease.


You never know what wish might come true. And there is no harm in dreaming.

So keep dreaming and keep wishing.

For the good and for the best.


March 13th, 2018 / 05:43 PM

The subject of paranormal and Ghosts have fascinated people from across cultures. I have come across a new graphic novel. That is the reason why a lot of recent commercially successful movies and dramas are of the genre of paranormal and unexplained. Events of 1947 have divided a bigger piece of land But from my perspective I think that the border is separating people who have different beliefs about ghosts. Sadly the more closer you are towards that border the more possibility of getting contaminated from the beliefs of the opposite side exist. Just look at the people from across the border. A lot of them believe that if somebody is wrongfully murdered and their Aatma comes to take revenge.  I had this question since I was a child whose mind was Somewhat damaged because of these beliefs shown in the movies. So if an Atma comes and murders a man then the Aatma of that man will continue to do the same and eventually everybody on this planet would die. That is one way of saying how the human race will perish and frankly it is a very boring possibility which I cannot believe even if I was living on the opposite side of the border. But all the great religions of the world have talked about the extension of life beyond the moment everybody believes as death. There are many books and debate about what life is and what that actually means. Nobody from the other side has ever called back and told anybody about what and how the other side looks like. Besides it is this obscurity of truth  which takes the hold of fascination of man and pushes him to write about the subject of peculiar. almost one third of the books that I have read revolve around the topics of mystery and paranormal. Many people don't know that there is a dedicated streaming service  for horror movies only. just like Netflix, we have the matchless service called shudder. it is no less than a blessing for somebody who likes horror and paranormal. religion is something majority of people living in Pakistan are very sentimental about. a lot of people have been killed just because their religious beliefs were different.And religion talks about the world hereafter and death which is why our writers and philosophers have polluted the stories they have created with the beliefs they follow. a Pakistani writer always brings someone from the mosque to clear A Haunted House. Who would a Christian man bring in Philippines if a house is Haunted?Just like humans are divided into groups religions and cultures, so are the ghost and all the hideous monsters who appear in our books and movies. When I heard about the graphic novel Djinn, I was a little sceptical because I was raised in a country seeing people fight over language, colour and religion and I thought that the ghost mentioned in the book would be as extremist as the people who created them. Created by Jean Dufaux, Djinn is a story of a girl, Kim who travels to Istanbul in search of answers about her grandmother’s shadowy past. She soon learns that during the declining days of the Ottoman Empire, her grandmother was a harem girl, and the favorite of the Sultan. As she finds more evidence, the mystery thickens and she finds herself dealing with crooked characters and determined paramours in bookshops, baths, and bedchambers all over the ancient city. 

The Creeps

March 12th, 2018 / 04:32 PM


 جب ڈاؤ میں تھا تب ایک کتاب کے بارے میں پڑھا تھا کوئی پروفیسر صاحب ہیں جرمنی میں رہتے ہیں بچپن سے ان کو تصویر بنانے کا شوق تھا لیکن کچھ وجوہات کی بنا پر زندگی نے ان کو یہ کام کرنے نہیں دیا  مگر پچھلے کچھ سال سے ان کے پاس کچھ مریض  آئے یہ مریض ان پروفیسر صاحب کو مختلف فوبیا کے بارے میں بتاتے وہ بچپن سے جن سے دوچار ہیں  پروفیسر صاحب نے ایک تصویریں بنانے والے سے رابطہ کیا اور اس کو اس صورتحال سے آگاہ کیا شروع میں تھوڑی اور بعد میں بہت سی ایسی تصویریں وجود میں آئی جو ان لوگوں کے فوبیا کو بیان کرتی ہیں  آئیڈیا تو بہت بے مثال تھا اس تصویریں بنانے والے کا ایک ٹمبلر اکاونٹ بھی ہے جہاں پر وہ بہت عرصے سے ان تصویروں کو شائع کرتا آ رہا ہے پہلی بار میں نے بھی اس کو ٹمبلر پر ہی دریافت کیا ایک روز مجھے پتہ چلا کہ اس نے بہت ساری اچھی تصویروں کو جمع کر کے ایک کتاب بناڈالی بدقسمتی سے وہ کتاب پاکستان میں میسر نہیں تھی تو مجھے وہ کتاب درآمد کرنی پڑی لیکن اس کے لیے چھ ہفتے لگے اب میں ٹھہرا بے صبرا تو میں نے آئی ٹیونز سے وہ کتاب ڈاؤنلوڈ کرلی اس بات کو اب چار برس گزر چکے ہیں مجھے پھر سے پتہ چلا کہ اس نے اپنی کتاب کا دوسراحصہ شائع کردیا میں جانتا ہوں کہ مزید چھ ہفتے انتظار میرے بس میں نہیں میں نے وہ کتاب کچھ گھنٹے پہلے وہ کتاب ڈاؤنلوڈ کرلی اور اب وہ کتاب ختم کرنے کا انتظار ہے لیکن اس پاس شور بہت ہے اور کسی بھی کتاب کو ختم کرنے کے لیے دوچیزیں درکار ہیں ایک خاموشی اور سکون اور دوسرا وہ کتاب خود اچھا ہے جب سے عشق کا روگ ختم ہوا میں 300 کتابیں کھا چکا ہو جن میں سے اڑتالیس 2018 کی ہیں جس کو موقع ملے وہ یہ کتاب ضرور پڑھے کیا پتا کوئی ایسا خوف آپ کے اندر بھی پل رہا ہوں جس سے آپ اب تک نہیں جانتے


March 9th, 2018 / 06:11 PM

دل کو توفیق زیاں ہو تو غزل ہوتی ہے
زہر غم بادہ چکاں ہو تو غزل ہوتی ہے 

فکر تپ تپ کے نکھرتی رہے کندن کی طرح 
آگ سینے کی جواں ہو تو غزل ہوتی ہے 

دھیمی دھیمی سی نوا سلسلہ جنبان ابد 
پردۂ جاں میں نہاں ہو تو غزل ہوتی ہے 

دھڑکنیں صورت الفاظ بکھرتی جائیں 
دل معانی کی زباں ہو تو غزل ہوتی ہے 

آنچ مٹی کے کھلونوں کی طرح ملتی جائے 
ذہن خوابوں سے تپاں ہو تو غزل ہوتی ہے 

روزن ماہ سے پچھلے پہر اک شوخ لقا 
جانب دل نگراں ہو تو غزل ہوتی ہے 

روح شب اپنی اداؤں کی تب و تاب لیے 
خلوت آرائے بیاں ہو تو غزل ہوتی ہے 

ایک سیال کسک جادہ کشائے تخلیق 
فن کی نبضوں میں رواں ہو تو غزل ہوتی ہے 

تجربے درد کی شبنم میں نہائیں حرمتؔ 
گل فشاں شعلۂ جاں ہو تو غزل ہوتی ہے
حرمت الااکرام

More Books

March 8th, 2018 / 05:14 PM

You are likely to come across many villains when you try to do a good job or a virtuous deed. That is how every story rolls out, every movie has this formula.  this is the reason I feel very uncomfortable when I keep coming across villains even when I have no idea doing any virtuous thing. In a country where education is still a distant dream it is very natural to come across people who try to block your progress even when it brings no harm to them. There is a strange coincidence which I have observed. The most religious a person is apparently, the more he would object to actions of others. A graphic novel about which I read online was unavailable in the country primarily because it touched the subject of religion and love but it's visual plates were more of erotica. What the first time I was able to get that novel inside the country undetected. The next time I ordered a book which two words for mature readers, the novel was stopped because a mullah found a few topless hand drawn models a fight against God's goodwill. But we all know that business is above God which is why he was forced to let me take the book away or refund me the entire sum. This event made me hunt for another vendor who was more progressive. I ordered a few books which he was able to slip in without any trouble.One of the books is about serial killer who once roamed and mercilessly killed almost a hundred children in Lahore. One of the signs of a failing society is the restricted flow of books. The books are enlightenment which the villain at any stage try to destroy. After all the light frightens some, enlightens some.

  The Myth Of The Chosen One by Khalid Sohail

The Myth Of The Chosen One by Khalid Sohail

  The House Of Clay And Water by Faiqa Mansab

The House Of Clay And Water by Faiqa Mansab


March 7th, 2018 / 06:26 PM

Art and crime. It is true that over the years my interests have cooled down. Every colour fades which is why we all become silent and more life accepting as we grow old. But it would be a crime itself if someone gives up his core interests that define him. I know friend who is a poet. She is a lot of other things too including a patriot a daughter and a doctor etc., But one defining element of your life is the ability God bestow upon her of being a poet. I tried to create equally balancing lines but I failed. That experiment made me realise that not everybody is equally God gifted. Life has made a few robbers and a few policemen. I guess that is a balance of the universe. If there is somebody who can write then there must be somebody who can draw. If there is somebody who can create music then there must be someone who can make the words wear that music. She is one such person. Poetry close out of her. Her words will surely outlive her life. But what if one day she decides that she wants to stop poetry because she feels old and faded. Now that would be a crime. Over years we all develop interests that come and go. But a few interests are the ones that develop us. And we take so dedicated steps in achieving our liking towards those interests that an observer can easily pinpoint our dedication for the interest. A few of the still surviving interests that I have is drawing. Yes it's also a fact that I don't upload any creation in the public domain now as much as I used to in the past. But it does not mean that I have stopped doing anything that gives me happiness drawing and photography being the two of them. My last post was about newspapers and the crime section they have. Last night and inspiration hit me very strong and hard. I came across a news which is giving me an itch to create something. In fact as I type this the rough outline of that inspiration is born on paper. People who keep their eyes and ears open for learning knowledge and inspiration and not just for stalking someone and finding out if somebody has created a Facebook or Twitter page are the people who can pass on what they have learnt. But I guess for mothers who have nothing better to do at home after changing the diapers of the kids it is easy to stalk the men they flirted with before either their child wakes up or their husband returns from work. There must be one such section in the newspapers too.


March 6th, 2018 / 05:01 PM

One of the few pages I never fail to skip in every newspaper are the crimes and court section. My daily start of the day involve five newspapers that I read. No I am not a journalist And every time I have tried to find why I am still addicted to this old medium of news in the age of Twitter especially when it's polluted by many classless desis. Twitter was one of my most favourite social spaces but with time I have only found it to be declining and declining. The old screenshots that I have from earlier days show that Twitter used to have a better population which created a better space. It was reflected in the hashtags of that time. But stop whatever you are doing and just look at the hashtags from Pakistan now. The quality has deteriorated to a point that you would not want to waste your creative energy flowing through the sewage called Twitter. After stopping my presence and all these social places I am able to finish more than 50 books every year for the last 3 years in a row. But even after all this debacle my love for newspapers still exist. But instead of going for the more traditional medium of paper I am able to read 5 of them online and 3 as their digital editions. All these newspapers a section that I never failed to read is the crime and courts section. The people who commit crimes are humans. Everyone is quick enough to judge them and even prosecute them to the point where the are bound to spend times of your life behind bars. But nobody raises the question of wire crime was done in the first place. Every cube of news from even the remotest parts of the country that bring such news of crime always knock some portions of my mind and make me ask myself why a person who did that did so in the first place? It is very hard to look inside the heart and mind of a person. That is the reason why we judge others based on their actions and based on what they say and if the two things don't converge, enable the person under our judgement as unworthy. Our words and our actions are just reflections of our mind and our feelings and our intentions. But sometimes no matter how much gold someone has buried inside them what the other see just me and knife made out of gold which was used to murder someone. It is not one person who gets murdered but a part of the social fabric is torn each and every time someone breaks the law. From my earliest memories to the current ones whenever I have read such crime and Courts news I feel as nothing is changed over decades. Man is as Savage as he was many years ago. Would you guarantee that a person who has been to a university or has any sort of higher formal education not capable of any crime or not capable of breaking any law? I was thinking about this when I saw a person in a very expensive car and very expensive suit driving his car in the wrong direction. He might have been a driver but I know that he was not because he is the head of the department where I work. I would suggest everyone to start reading this one section of any newspaper they can get on a daily basis. Trust me it is an inspiration to write fiction. You need truths to tell a lie. And you need to create a lie to tell a few truths.


March 2nd, 2018 / 11:02 PM


سنا ہے  گورنمنٹ سب کچھ دیکھ رہی ہے۔ یہ بھی سنا ہے کہ گورنمنٹ سب کچھ سن رہی ہے۔ اسے ایک چیز کا دلاسہ تو ہوتا ہے کہ اور کوئی سنے یا نہ سنے  کم از کم کوئی تو ہے جو میری باتیں سن رہا ہے۔ اکثر لوگوں کے لیے یہ فکر کی بات نہیں لیکن مجھے کبھی کبھی اس حقیقت سے خوف آتا ہے کہ وہ جذبہ جسے میں کسی تیسرے یا شاید کبھی کسی دوسرے سے بھی بانٹ نہ سکوں وہ کوئی مٹی سے بنا ہوا انسان جو اسی گورنمنٹ کے لیے کام کر رہا ہے وہ ان جذبوں کو دیکھ بھی رہا ہے سن بھی رہا ہے اور سمجھ بھی رہا ہے۔ کسی ایک انسان کے پاس ایسی طاقت کا آجانا خطرے کی علامت ہے جو طاقت صرف انسان سے اوپر کی طاقت ہی رکھ سکتی ہے. کسی کا پیچھا کرنا بہت مہنگا ہے.یہ کسی کی سنی ہوئی بات نہیں.خود کر کے دیکھ چکا ہوں . لوگوں سے مار پڑنے کا ڈر پولیس سے پکڑے جانے کا خوف،  اور ساتھ ہی ساتھ اس چیز کا بھی امکان کہ جس کا پیچھا کر رہا ہوں وہ بچ کر ہی نہ نکل جائے موجود رہتا ہے. لیکن اس بندے کےلیے کیا خوف جو میرے لکھے ہوئے ہر لفظ کو پڑھ رہا ہے، ہر پیغام اس کی آنکھوں سے گزرتا رہے، کوئی تصویر اس سے چھپی نہیں. میرے اکیلے کی بات ہو تو شاید نہ سمجھوتا کر بھی لوں. لیکن گفتگو کا کوئی دوسرا سرا بھی ہوتا ہے. پچھلے کچھ ماہ کے اخبارات ایسی خبروں سے بھرے ہیں جس میں حکومت کے لوگوں نے اور اداروں نے عام شہریوں کی گفتگو پر نظر رکھی. میں نے اپنے ساتھ کام کرنے والے ایک ڈاکٹر کو اس حقیقت کے بارے میں بتایا. تم اس نے بھی وہی کہا جو اس سے پہلے پانچ لوگ بول چکے تھے کہ میرے پاس ایسے کون سے راز ہیں جواگر گورنمنٹ کو پتہ بھی چلے تو میرا کوئی نقصان ہو جائے گا. گھر آ کر میں نے فرصت کے لمحے میں ایک نیی ایپلیکیشن دریافت کی جس کی سب سے بڑی خوبی یہ ہےکہ اس پر کی جانے والی گفتگوکوئی تیسرا نہیں سن سکتا. کم ازکم ابھی تک تو صورتحال ایسی ہی ہے. مگر گورنمنٹ آپکو کب سکون سے رہنے دے گی . لیکن جونہی میں نے یہ اپلیکیشن  چلائی وہ گفتگو کرنے والا کوئی نہیں تھا. مجھے ایسا لگا ویران قصبے میں آگیا . وہاں وہ کمبخت بھی نہیں تھا جو میری ہر بات پڑھاتا ہے سنتا ہے سمجھتا ہے. مگر وہ وہاں ضرور تھا جو صرف بات ہی نہیں دل کی ہر خواہش کو جانتا ہے لیکن پھر بھی میری ساری دعائیں پوری نہیں کرتا



March 1st, 2018 / 10:44 PM

I had been writing what comes to my mind for many years now. It is true that words craft history and history crafts words. We have seen many people try to forge history into their own favour by simply changing the words which reach an innocent mind. Just look at the movies from the last month. People from a particular religion are trying to portray a very Falls version of the reality or at least that version of the reality which we already have accepted for many years. But who knows that might be another similarities buy a man or a group of men trying to write history the easier way i.e., by simply changing a few words and monitoring the medium so that people start accepting the truth which is nothing but fabricated. It is very hard to separate truth from what actually occurred. Just try to find a few 20 year old pictures of the place you have studied. Sadly you would not find many because either of two realities. First the data from that time does not exist. Second if somebody even took pictures or collected any form of data from that time the data is in such a medium that it exists in the personal collection of the person who created it or collected it and has not made any way for any person from the modern time to find it. That's the reason whenever I try to find old pictures of the places I have visited or lived, I don't find any substantial amount of data because either people have failed to create the data or they failed to let any of the data they created reach us. Now consider the history which was taught to us in our schools and colleges. After the collapse of any civilization people following that civilization come to the reality that what was taught to their students was nothing more than a pro government propaganda. 500 years ago India and Pakistan were one combined piece of land. But after opening any modern History book you would find the same heroes turned villain as you cross the border. It is because the governments across the border at different and they would simply label the heroes of the other side as villains. It is a very old war. The War fought by words. Or if I put it better The War fought by manipulating words. A lot of the things I have done are very boring. Yet from my perspective I still find them important enough that I have documented almost all of them. There have been moments when I had no camera with me and the only memory of that event is what is in my head. That is why I try to write them down before I am diagnosed with Alzheimer's if I reached the old age. But being human I fear that even I can try to contaminate reality in my favour by manipulating words and creating moments that had never happened. But if I had done anything of that sort, there would be no boring moments at all. Hence the proof of the reality is the boring flavor itself. A very old soul lives inside me that still finds paper for more attractive than any other modern medium in the advent of social media. I have a carton which is full of pages and diaries from the past years. For the first time in life I saw a Moleskine at a stationery shop in Dubai. The shop was closed and I was about to miss my flight which is why I was never able to buy it. That regret haunted me for some years. Even when I moved to Karachi, I asked so many vendors to import them. But every time they had a reason for not doing so. Yesterday I went to a place where I never expected to find a moleskine. Just the sight of that was a pleasant surprise much like the time travel itself and seeing again an ex who now is a fat, ugly mother of a child. But the most time was still as slim as it was many years ago. I Wonder What I would write on it. There are some stories and words that still exist only in the head. I am too careful about my words but the pages on which these words appear have been misplaced more than once. I hope the moleskine I just got keeps them protected, inspired and safe until I pass these words to someone worthy.


February 28th, 2018 / 02:11 PM

دل ہے ویران بیاباں کی طرح
گوشۂ شہر خموشاں کی طرح

ہائے وہ جسم تہ خاک ہے آج
جس نے رکھا تھا ہمیں جاں کی طرح

صاحب خانہ سمجھتے تھے جسے
چل دیا گھر سے وہ مہماں کی طرح

چاند سورج کا گماں تھا جس پر
بجھ گیا شمع شبستاں کی طرح

سایۂ عاطفت اب سر پہ نہیں
سایۂ ابر گریزاں کی طرح

ہے اگر اپنا مقدر بھی تو ہے
تنگ بس تنگئ داماں کی طرح

عمیق حنفی

February 20th, 2018 / 2:46 pm

ہم کہ جو بیٹھے ہوئے ہیں اپنے سر پکڑے ہوئے
آپ ہی زنجیر ہیں اور آپ ہی جکڑے ہوئے

شام پیلی راکھ میں خون شفق کا انجماد
رات جیسے خواب یخ بستہ ہوں دن اکڑے ہوئے

رنگ کے پہرے ہیں رخساروں کی آب و تاب پر
اور رنگوں کو ہیں زلفوں کی لٹیں جکڑے ہوئے

دھوپ نے ناخن ڈبوئے ہیں گلوں کے خون میں
زخم خوردہ خوشبوئیں پھرتی ہیں سر پکڑے ہوئے

رات کالی رات پیڑوں کو ہلاتی آندھیاں
اور ہم بیٹھے طناب خواب ہیں پکڑے ہوئے

عمیق حنفی

Hafiz In Love

February 17th, 2018 / 12:09 PM

I got to know about a Hafiz who fell in love with a girl. The whole story got published in the news and like everybody else I also got to know about the details of the story from the news sources. Hafiz sahab is the son of the caretaker of the mosque who is also serving as the local Imam leading the prayers 5 times a day. No parent never tries to make their children a monster or a criminal. I believe that somewhere down the line they fell short in raising their child as a responsible human which is why even after memorizing the Holy Quran he was not able to get any formal education and works as a welder. He will not be the first person or the last person who make anybody very repulsive towards religion because a lot of the people act as the contractors of religion or if I be honest act like special humans of God sent to train other humans. These are the ones whose behaviour in society has only caused damage to others. The Hafiz Sahab fell in love with a girl who was already engaged to one of her cousins. But because of his bad company, Hafiz was able to acquire weapons which he used to scare the family of the girl and also the one she was engaged to. I am very sure that the father of this Hafiz Sahab would have come to know about the actions of his son from the neighborhood prior to this episode. But a time comes in the life of every man when he is not able to impose his beliefs on his children. The same happened as the news sources have detailed that one evening the Hafiz Sahab lost his patience and went to attack the family of the girl after the evening prayer. Coincidently the father of the girl was not at home but his luck was out when he arrived at home at the same moment and was also shot dead by the Hafiz Sahab, the perfect man of religion. In this incident 5 lives were lost including that girl's whom Hafiz claimed to love. This is not the first or the last time when somebody had committed such a heinous crime feeding to his emotions and taking the law into their own hands. The criminal is already on the run and the family of a girl comprising of 5 junior brothers and an aunt have moved with a poor uncle who is a taxi driver. This is another example when people fail to understand what love actually is. Many times young men become obsessed with ephemeral attractions for a woman and assume this emotion to be love. Another woman lost her life because of love but who will remember her tomorrow. Many will not even remember her even today. Sassi and Heer were lucky in one matter, their name is still remembered. Here she didn’t even love that man of God as most huffaz claim themselves to be. This is not out of repulsion but a fact that he is not the first Hafiz I scorn. Don’t think that evil can never cross the walls of a madrassa. Many evil are born there, some out of sodomy.

 (Photo by K Chaudhry)

(Photo by K Chaudhry)


February 14th, 2018 / 07:32 AM

Not all things fade with time. Red is still the color I like. But some things have already faded. Time is a reality that corrodes us all with no discrimination. It is that day of the year again. And perhaps the same me too. But one thing I am so sure of not the same is the heart. It took me time to talk some sense to it. But then it did learn. And like all learnings this learning had a price. The price of color. I guess some faded red is way better than all red. There is one thing I would still love to add about love however. It's an emotion that can never die. It is an emotion that has the beauty of being as eternal and as timeless as God himself. One would easily label love as a mistake when one would be not mature enough to understand what love itself is or married with a child to take care of already. It takes a time to understand the beauty and pleasure hidden in pain .Don't be one of them who confuse love and relationships. They are are two different words and they are two different feelings. What you have seen ending can never be love. What you feel you have mastered is relationships even if that relation be of a husband or of a wife. I have not sent any gifts to anyone this year. Maybe I have grown old. Maybe I have learnt from my relationships. Whatever the case be I have not stopped loving. That is the dilemma of love. You cannot start it. You cannot end it. You got to live with that. 



February 18th, 2018 / 03:03 PM  
Some of the events that have fascinated my mind and inspired me to write including fiction have happened even before I was born. That is why out of natural curiosity I sometimes search the internet hoping to find newspaper cuttings or even the entire newspaper from that day. But this search is not always fruitful because back in the day when the digital medium was non-existent most of what existed now has dissipated over time. It is extremely hard to find any newspaper from that time in a good and legible quality. In the last year or so that I lived in Lahore I was living kilometres away from where I used to go daily. My path involved a bus stop from where I used to grab a newspaper everyday. That was my time killer on the way. When I moved to Karachi I was able to look back into time and probe through old news which for a person like me is always inspiring and thought provoking. But as the years have progressed I have come across a knowing that much of these old archives of the newspapers are being deleted. This can be very deliberate for either of the two reasons. First, people want to save data centre space which is why they delete old stuff from their servers. Second, somebody high in the corridors of power wants data deleted or at least not easily accessible by some member of the public for God-knows-what nefarious reasons. That someone ought to be a very powerful man because beyond a particular date I am not able to retrieve any Pakistani newspaper from the archive in any language. With time even I face the dilemma of space shortage in my digital life especially after the advent of extremely high resolution cameras that are capable of taking clearer memories for the years to come. Still this has not stopped to me from making new data which I know would also take up space. As technology is evolving so is the medium on which we save our memories. The prices of hard drives have fallen drastically in the last decade. I know that newspaper agencies or the publishers have many tricks up their sleeves to make more money from something already published like old newspapers and maybe they have done it themselves so as to release all old papers on a digital medium or a website with a paid model. As a student of life I still firmly believe that some information which has reached the public domain is bound to stay public and this includes newspapers but we as a failing Nation lack libraries and newspaper repositories which can help in a lot of fields including the potential solving of unsolved crimes just buy research. But that research demands a source of information. There is no better resource than a newspaper. Now the big dilemma stands in front of me “Where to find the old ones?”  This is why I have already saving at least three different newspapers on a daily basis at my end so that after some years if their footprint vanishes from the wonderful internet at least I would have a copy of them to upload for somebody seeking answers. You never know, that very well be you!  

  تفصیلات اخبارات 

تفصیلات اخبارات 

Unwanted Wants.

February 10th, 2018 / 07:07 PM
I am still an early morning person and before beginning my day and leaving for work the first thing I check is the newspapers that the paperwala slides under the door. It is like a ritual that I perform everyday. One of the best things I have been blessed with is living the life of a day-person. At times I feel that my wife would be very angry over this habit of mine. But I guess I love the sun and the sunlight as much as I would love her. I still adore the smell and the touch of the classic newspaper which the modern digital electronic medium lack. Even today I have subscribed to three newspapers which are more than inspiring and not just being traditional old news source. As I flip pages and reach the Crimes and Courts section, I pray that I don't come across the news of people killing their own children. But still the monsterity of humans lives on. At least twice every week I find such news which has become norm of the society that people dump their kids especially daughters into the trash. Our society has seen one such man who took care of such homeless children whom the society easily labels as a bastard. Abdul Sattar Edhi. There is only one way humans come into existence and we all have followed the same path except for Prophet Adam. We all have remained a product of love so labelling a child unwanted and pushing him to live with the stigma of being a bastard, we are not less of any criminal. What happens to those dead bodies people find in dumpsters, graveyards or open places. We come across such news, we read them, we see them and like always tomorrow we forget that news and continue with our lives. My mood was fine when I woke up. It was fine when I read the political pages. It was even fine when I read that my favourite team lost the match last night. But my mood took a severe hit when I read the news of a child found in a dumpster and the police has already registered a case against an unknown woman. There are some evils that have lived longer than generations of a nation and I think this is one of such evils which will outlive this very nation and the nation that will take its place. God has said it, science has proved it and philosophy points to it that this world is only a suitable place for the fittest. Our moral decline has proven that we are not fit to live in this world and with this momentum someone will replace us eventually. Someone more fit than us. I feel that the biggest evil we as Pakistanis face is the lack of education. People who are lucky enough to go to schools and colleges are also not refined enough to obey parking laws, traffic rules and the law in general. Now that is not a sign of an educated person. What good is that school or college or any formal education if you are not able to live your life as a law abiding citizen. Under good clothes and trimmed beards walk many monsters wearing human skin. The moment people heard about the death of Edhie, people were divided into two groups. One who supported him for what he did in his life and the other who called him nothing but a monster who waged a war against God and protected and raised those unwanted bastard kids. But just imagine for a moment and answer the question that what is the fault of a boy or a girl who are just coming into this world and don't even know the harsh realities of life. How can one be so cruel or a monster to push such a young and innocent soul towards death. We seriously lack as a nation. Education is the only thing that can save us. But we are so stubborn that we don't even want to learn. This society is a very evil and a bipolar society. People live at two extremes. On one side are those who claim God in everything. And on the other end are those who claim to be bigger than God. Wanted is this education the lack of which is making unwanted children. Why are people so ashamed of asking for a condom or a contraceptive pill? I remember once being at a Pharmacists when a man walked in and was too shy to ask for a condom. People don't fear the consequences they bring upon themselves when they push a child towards death, a child that is so unwanted to them that most of them end up in trash. But they are not afraid of stopping all the misery by just opening up their mind to kill shame and taboos. Our morality has fallen to such a level that I feel it would be nothing short of a miracle to bring it back to a level of normality again and the only thing that can do it is the miracle of education. I still remember that news from 2017 when a 5 day old girl was buried in miani sahib kabristan, Lahore. The parents came to the grave of the child the very next day for prayers and were shocked to find the grave wide open and the body missing. To this day nobody has a clue of what happened or who took it. I have a very strong gut feeling that the body of that girl would never be found again. Yet when we pick up books of stories to tell tales to children, all the monsters we find don't have a face of any human but as we grow up we see the bitter reality that the only monster you need to be afraid of is the one you see in the mirror.