'Name' is one of those words which I learnt when I was just a child. Infact this word is amongst those which are a part of earliest memories dating back to my childhood days. It was a time when my academics were not so good enough, I had already learnt and mastered this word. It was a part of the training that my parents experimented out on me that when some relatives or dad's colleagues used to visit us, I was asked BETA WHATS YOUR NAME. And I proudly used to answer my name. With passing days, it became so much integrated into my personality that I took not more than a second to respond to the question WHATS YOUR NAME. And I started responding to this word, my identity, my name, Aamir. Since those days, I am so dependant on this five alphabeted word. It is my identity. It is what makes me respond to it whenever I hear it. It is what makes me separate out of a crowd. It is my name. My own NAME.
Childhood definations are very penetrating. After years I still remember the defination of 'noun', the defination of 'verb', the defination of 'earth' . Even the defination of God. With every passing day, my brain and mind get stretched to a bigger and newer dimensions where definations are good, even sometimes near perfection. But instead of helping me to have a content heart and satisfied mind, I remain more and more depressed. Such increasing knowledge makes me seek more and more answers to newer questions that rise by themselves with increasing knowledge. Unfortunately in the in the end I am left with still those simple and innocent definations and words that I learnt in childhood. No matter how science defines God or Allah today, I still keep that defination which I learnt in my childhood about God as the first and very basic description of God. If someone asks me what or who God is, I simply answer what I learnt. And I learnt that
"God is one!"
So cute and simple line. Full or energy and yet innocent. I have read the Quran. Even the explanatiory books mattering Islam and Christianity but this defination is so much powerful and plain that I can never shift away from this for the rest of my life. God is one. Another defination that I learnt soon after learning about God was about NOUN. Noun is a naming word. I still believe it. My name is a noun. My nation is a noun. My father is a noun. Myself is a noun. Even she is a noun! And noun is a name. A name that can keep clinging to your thoughts - perhaps for life. She? Who is she? She is a fire. The fire whom I wrote as the title of this writing. Fire. She a noun. She is آگ. A name. A name that had eyes that were far deeper than oceans, a lock of hair that imprisoned me, a voice that keeps jingling in the corridors of my mind, a magic that still enchants me. Someone told me that only kings and beggars can waste themselves on the path of love. Both have a similarity. A beggar has no worry. A king has no worry. They are in a perfect state to start an affair or love that may turn into a history mark or a part of literature. And a middle-class man like me had so much life matters and troubles that Love seems just filmy. But that fire did lit up my soul. There could be many reasons of not writing or disclosing that NAME which her parents allot her upon her coming to this world. A name that also laid the basis of her nick. A name that her friends used to call her with. A name that when I heard uttered by her group of friends even spun my head. A name that was to be written on many places. But I wont mention that here.
Let me narrate an example. Ayesha is a very common name in pakistan. There are about ten Ayeshas in my class. And if there is anyone paricularly a boy who has someway or the other any association with this name can be mentally, psycologically or emotionally distorted at one extreme and perhaps 'mended' at the other extreme upon hearing the word Ayesha. Peer-e-kamil is a very famous Pakistani novel. Many boys and girls have read it. I wont narrate that whole tale here. The main character of the story is a rich spoiled boy with a NAME of Salaar Sikandar who coincidentally falls in love with a girl named Imama Hashim. He was a very corrupt person but after falling in love with that girl, he changes completely. From a waste to a gem, he gets transformed just by love. In the tale that girl is lost. Her family tries to find her, even Salaar himself does his best efforts but all in vain. Years later he makes a friend out of a businessman who is married. That man had a daughter with a same NAME as Imama. Salaar never calls that little girl with her name. but bearing the same name, he is emotionally attached to that girl to such an that even he sends her presents from abroad. A name that changed his personality completely. A name that bound him to a little girl, a name that shook his world, a name that makes his heart skip a beat upon falling onto his ears. The novel is favourite of many but not mine yet I rated it as a very good one just because I extracted a lesson out of it. A name can change a man even after the 'thing' that had that name is no more.
Fire(آگ) is what i have used in the context to describe a living brathing human. The facts remains the facts. She was a name. She is a name. She had a name. She has a name. A name that keeps on echoing in my mind. A name that I never wote anywhere, a name that I never uttered, a name the world would naver know, a name that is asked by many persons, a name that remained a name, a name that became a charm, a name that never remained a name, a name that changed itself into a human, a name that is common yet not common, ordinary yet not ordinary, everyday heard yet never said by me, a name that is Fire!
October 3, 2009